


Burn Out The Stars

by CariadWinter



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Always a girl!Kirk, Dancing, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Genderbending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, Misunderstandings, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Original Alien Characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:10:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3096026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CariadWinter/pseuds/CariadWinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All it takes is one dance to bring the wall between Leonard McCoy and Jamie Kirk crashing down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burn Out The Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [monkiainen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/gifts).



> So I sort of had an internal soundtrack playing in my head while I was writing. _Gravity_ by John Mayer for the dance and _Take Me To Church_ by Hozier for the sexy times. Now I seriously doubt the T’resik were playing John Mayer at the gathering, but it was stuck in my head and it’ll be okay. Hope you all enjoy and Happy Trekmas!

There was music playing. It was simple and elegant; a soft melody for people to glide across the dance floor to. Leonard couldn't remember the last time he’d danced. His wedding perhaps? That had been a good night. The best maybe. Lord knows he hadn't had many since. Well, that wasn't altogether true. Pamela and he had shared a lot of good nights together after they’d married. They just hadn't lasted. They’d fallen apart, slowly, until there had been nothing left between them but bitterness, anger, and a beautiful baby girl.

Leonard sighed, took another sip of his drink, and reached up to adjust the collar of his dress uniform. Whatever he was drinking had an almost sickly sweet flavor when it hit the tongue, but was chased quickly by a burning bite as it hit the back of the throat. It wasn’t great, but it’d do for lack of anything better to drink. It wasn’t as if he could just run down to the corner store for something better after all. They were light years from Earth, too many to count, and he was surrounded by a room full of dignitaries on a planet he could barely pronounce the name of. He hated diplomatic events, especially when there was absolutely nowhere he could escape to. 

When the music paused, then started again, this time the pace slightly slower, Leonard lifted his gaze from his drink to study the room. Including the captain and himself, the diplomatic party from the Enterprise consisted of Spock, Uhura, Sulu, and Carol. Uhura, amazingly, had somehow convinced Spock to dance with her and Leonard tracked their movements around the dancefloor for a moment before moving on. Sulu had a dance partner of his own; a tall, willowy looking female whose pale, almost iridescent skin and raven colored tresses shimmered as he guided her in the dance. 

Two things stood out about the native inhabitants of this particular planet, the fact that they all looked strikingly similar and their eyes. Each had the same shimmering alabaster skin and raven locks, their builds were lissome and there didn’t seem to be a single one of them under five foot ten. Their eyes, much to Leonard’s dismay, were a fathomless black with no whites to frame them. They reminded him a little of shark’s eyes and it made him shudder whenever one of them looked at him.

Finally, his gaze was drawn from the dance floor to settle on the laughing forms of Carol and the captain. Both women looked radiant under the golden glow in the room and while the male crew members had been instructed to wear their dress uniforms, as a show of respect to both the Matriarch of the planet and their customs, the women had been gifted with ceremonial gowns. The dresses were lovely, reminiscent of the clothing worn by women of Ancient Greece in Leonard’s opinion and the garb suited the three of them. Each could have out shined the most beautiful of Goddesses. He only had eyes for one of them however and it made him a little sick to his stomach.

For as long as he had known her, Jamie Kirk had had the ability to draw every eye in the room. She was the definition of a social butterfly. Jamie was charismatic and approachable. She had a smile that could light up a room and a laugh that could send any man’s heart into palpitations. She was also absurdly brilliant and undeniably stubborn. There were days that Leonard was certain she’d be the death of him and yet, there were even more where he was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he’d never be able to live without her. 

This, of course, was something that he’d never shared with her. As far as Jamie was concerned, there was nothing even remotely romantic between them. She was just one of the guys and he was her buddy. Her pal. Her rock. Leonard liked being her rock. He thrived on the fact that she turned to him before anyone else. He knew more about Jamie than anyone, save for perhaps Pike, and that was because the man was the closest thing she’d ever had to a father. He was family and Leonard didn’t begrudge her that.

The only problem for Leonard was - and he had realized this about her way before he’d fallen head over heels in love with her - Jamie Kirk was too wild to be tied down. Her life consisted of one crazy ride after the next and ran roughshod over any hopes Leonard had for a quiet, simple life. All he’d wanted to do was get through the academy and maybe take up a permanent position at Starfleet Medical. He’d known he’d have to put in a little time on a starship, but he’d had hopes that it would have just been temporary.

Jamie had had other plans though. She’d wanted to see the universe. She’d wanted to work her way up to having a starship of her own and she’d been determined to drag Leonard along with her. Jamie’s appetite for pleasure and adventure overshadowed everything else and she didn’t take no for an answer. She’d filled her time at the academy with a rigorous course load, excelled at every class she’d taken, and in her spare time she’d managed to fit it drinking nights with Leonard and one-night stands that had left him feeling bitter and maybe - just a little - lonely. He’d simply stood back and watched though, each time letting it dig the proverbial blade in a little deeper. He’d accepted it because what else was he supposed to do? They were friends. Nothing more.

Leonard had taken his own share of lovers to bed over the years. He’d not been completely celibate since he’d met Jamie, but the mornings after had always left him feeling surprisingly empty. There’d even been one woman that had lasted more than an evening or two.

Elizabeth Dehner had been a feisty woman. She’d done things to him that had tied him up into little knots and left him wanting for days. Their affair had been a passionate one; full of amazing sex and explosive exploration, but Elizabeth hadn’t been a fool. She’d seen the way Leonard had looked at Jamie, gone running whenever Jamie called. Elizabeth had called him on it time and again, but he’d always denied it and she’d accepted the lie more times than she should have. In the end, Elizabeth had ended up hating the both of them. Leonard for loving someone else and Jamie for having what Elizabeth wanted without even noticing or caring. The breakup, needless to say, had been a messy one.

Across the room, Leonard caught Jamie’s gaze and held it. She smiled at him, cheeks rounding out, blue eyes twinkling with merriment. Leonard smiled back, utterly ensnared. He remembered, with great affection, the first time she’d smiled at him that way.

_”I may throw up on ya,” he’d warned the person sitting next to him, pissed off and more than a little terrified of the flight they were about to take. He’d been perfectly happy in the bathroom thank you very much. At least there he could have cowered in private the whole way to San Francisco._

_The woman next to him had blinked, looking both wary and startled as she’d said, “I think these things are pretty safe.”_

_Leonard had snorted, happy for the distraction of conversation and too nervous not to rattle off a half panicked rant. “Don't pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait'll you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you're still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.”_

_“Well, I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates in space,” she’d replied, seeming happy enough to carry on the conversation even though she was still giving him slightly cautious glances._

_He’d huffed at that, very much aware of the fact, and decided that his rattled nerves deserved a little liquid comfort. “Yeah. Well, I got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones,” he grumbled and took a long swig off his flask._

_His companion seemed more amused than wary now and Leonard offered her a hit off the flask. She accepted with a small nod._

_“Jamie Kirk,” she offered by way of greeting before taking a hit off the flask._

_Leonard couldn’t help but stare then, as though he’d only just realized that the person next to him was not only a woman, but a beautiful woman at that. There were bruises on her face and she looked a little rough around the edges, but damn it… had he really just threatened to throw up on her?_

_“McCoy. Leonard McCoy,” he replied, silently kicking himself. He took the flask back when she passed it to him and he felt his stomach flip when she offered him what had to be the most brilliant smile he’d ever seen._

His stomach flipped now the way it had then and Leonard had to look away for a moment to keep his heart from spilling out all over the place. He didn’t want to feel like this; hated the ache in his chest that always followed one of her smiles. It was there though and all he could be thankful for at this point was that over the years it had faded from a sharp, burning ache to a dull, resigned one.

Turning, he headed for the bar and had his drink topped off. If he was going to get through the rest of the night, he needed a little more alcohol to ease the way.

*****

Jamie watched as Leonard turned away and her smile faded slowly away. She knew he hated these things. He wasn’t a mingler. He didn’t like being dressed up and placed in a room full of strangers that expected him to interact. It wasn’t that Leonard was antisocial; he was gruff and sometimes a bit abrasive, but never antisocial. It was more that he just felt out of place at events like this. He was a country boy, laid back and simple. Putting on a dress uniform and rubbing elbows was, in Leonard’s words, ‘Putin’ on airs and graces he had no business foolin’ with.’

Jamie chuckled at the thought and sighed. He did so many things just to please her. So much of Leonard’s time was spent chasing her around and doing things that took him way out of his comfort zone. No one had ever done that for her. It was exhilarating in a way, knowing that she could say jump and he’d ask her how high… at least, if she was planning on jumping right along with him at any rate. He’d be sure to lecture her on it before hand, exhaustively and adamantly, but she’d jump anyway and he’d follow her down.

If she were honest, the control she had over him was more than a bit of a rush. If she asked, he gave. If she insisted, he buckled. Leonard put her first before all others, save for Joanna, and even then… well… he was here with her wasn’t he? He’d left his family and his life behind, followed her into deep space, and that had been the biggest rush of all.

It was dangerous though, this thing between them. Jamie might play at being oblivious where they were concerned, but she saw it. Hell she _felt it_ every time he looked at her the way he’d been looking at her before he’d turned away. Leonard made her feel special when he looked at her that way; like she was the only other person in the universe. Like she was loved. Cherished.

That terrified her.

If there was one thing that Jamie knew about life, it was that it always took from you the things you loved the most. There were few things in life that she truly needed to get by. She needed this, these places, the adventure. She needed to be on a ship out among the stars. Now that she’d had a taste of it, there was never any going back for her. Out here, this was where she belonged now. 

She needed to be touched, even if it was by strangers, because it made her feel real. She’d been ignored so much as a child that having someone touch her, crave her, even if for only a night, it made her feel like something more than an afterthought or a burden.

And then there was Leonard McCoy. Her best friend. The only person that had ever put up with her shit, put her in her place, and still stuck around afterwards to clean up the messes she’d inevitably made. No matter how hard she pushed, no matter which direction she pulled, Leonard came willingly and he was hers.

A pang in her throat had Jamie biting into her bottom lip. He _was_ hers. Even if she’d pretended not to notice it before, she’d seen it plain as day after she’d woken up in that hospital room after he’d saved her life. Khan had put her in an impossible situation. He’d threatened her ship, her crew, and she’d made the ultimate sacrifice. And Leonard, handsome, foolish, ridiculously brilliant Leonard McCoy had come along behind her to drag her butt right back.

In front of Spock and the others, he’d played up the disgruntled friend and doctor routine. When they’d been alone though, that had been when she’d seen through his act.

_”So when am I getting sprung, Bones?” she’d asked him one night. She’d been restless, being stuck in one room for so long. She’d needed to move, go, do. Anything but lie around in bed all day._

_“You’ll go when it’s time for you to go,” he’d informed her, his tone relaying just how insufferable he thought her to be._

_She’d ignored him of course, like she always had when she wanted to get her way. “Aren’t I ready now? I mean, it’s been a week, Bones, and as far as I can tell I’m all better. You’ve poked and prodded me and all the tests have come back normal. Clearly I’m not going to keel over anytime soon, so…” Jamie’d waved her hand around in the air in some vague gesture of, ‘So there. All better.’ “Sooner the better yeah?”_

_The look he’d pinned her with had been both thrilling and slightly terrifying. There’d been anger on his face, frustration and outrage, but at the core of it, reflected clearly in his eyes, had been fear. “You think you’re all better huh? Think you can just die and come back and it’s all fine, Bones. Let me go home, Bones. I’m bored, Bones. Well, I got news for you, kid. I don’t give a damn. You’ll park your pretty little ass in that bed for as long as I tell ya to and no amount of whining or bitching will do a damn thing about it ya hear!”_

_By the end of the rant, Leonard’s voice had risen to an octave that Jamie hadn’t previously known he’d been capable of. It had caused her heart to flutter and he’d looked physically shaken by the outburst._

_“Bones,” she’d murmured softly and reached for his hand, but he’d jerked away from her._

_“No!” he’d snarled, hands shaking. “You_ died _, Jamie. Do you understand that? I mean… can you even comprehend that? You were dead. Gone. They had to bring you to me in a body bag and…”_

_He’d shaken his head, backed away more. “I’ve never…” The words had seemed so hard for him to get out, like he hadn’t quite known how to put into words what he was actually feeling._

_After a pregnant pause he’d continued, the tension in the room almost suffocating. “You do these stupid, irresponsible things without thinking of the consequences and I can’t… one day I might not be there to put you back together. I get it okay. You don’t care if you get hurt or not. I care though. I care if you get hurt and I can’t keep…”_

_“I did what I had to do to save the ship, Bones,” Jamie’d interjected, a little angry herself, but mostly just wanting to remove that ‘drowning man’ look off his face. He was carrying so much agony around with him and Leonard wasn’t allowed to hurt that way._

_“I won’t apologize for that. It was lose the crew, lose_ you _, or sacrifice myself. There was a job to be done, I was the captain, and I did it. That’s what captains do for their crew. They get them home, Bones. They keep them safe and I won’t ever apologize for doing that. I don’t matter. Do you understand that? Not when compared to the lives of the six hundred others depending on me to get them through in one piece.”_

_“You matter to me!” The confession seemed to have been punched out of him and it echoed in the room like the snap and sizzle of phaser fire._

_Jamie had blinked, silenced by his words, and Leonard had shrugged helplessly. “You matter to me damn it,” he’d whispered, defeated, then turned and had walked out of the room._

_She’d been released from the hospital the next day and Leonard hadn’t been there. Spock had picked her up and taken her back to her apartment. She’d called, left Leonard messages, but he’d never returned them. She’d hacked his quarters to find them untouched and him surprisingly absent. Later, Leonard had revealed that he’d packed his bags and headed home to Georgia. It had only been for a visit to clear his head and hug his little girl, but Jamie had felt his absence like the literal loss of a limb._

_Once he’d returned, they’d simply fallen back into their usual routine. They’d been_ them _again, normal, business as usual. Friends. Only there’d been something else lingering over their shoulders that they’d both refused to talk about and they’d been just fine with that. At least she had. If it had bothered Leonard, he’d worked damn hard to not let her see it._

“You look like you’re a million miles away right now.”

Jamie blinked, drawn from her memories by the woman standing next to her. “Sorry,” Jamie mumbled and offered Carol a small, apologetic smile. “Guess I’m a little distracted tonight. New places always do that to me.”

Jamie’s smile grew as she turned her complete attention to her friend. “You look lovely tonight by the way. Have I told you that?” 

Carol was a beautiful woman; all long legs and smooth skin. She had this coy smile that was infectious. Jamie had thought about it a time or two, taking Carol to her bed. The way she smelled, the curve of her breasts and hips, it was all so very tempting. There were lines Jamie didn’t cross though. Or, she tried very hard not to cross them at least. One of them was sleeping with members of the crew.

There was no rule stating that crew members could not engage in a sexual relationship. They were all going to be stuck in deep space together for five years after all. A rule like that would have been a tall order indeed. Still, she was the captain and having sex with a subordinate, it just didn’t seem like a good idea. That and for the first time since Leonard and she had become friends, she was seriously worried about what it would do to their relationship.

Leonard had never complained. He’d never so much as blinked when she’d told him about one of her many sexual exploits. He’d had lovers of his own and they’d always only shared what seemed acceptable between the two of them. That meant absolutely no details. Most of the time anyways. There’d been some details shared here or there and they’d either ended up drinking more or calling it an early night. Funny how Jamie had never really noticed that little fact before.

“Thank you,” Carol replied, a soft blush darkening her cheeks. “You have said, but it’s always nice to hear. You look rather fetching as well. The dress suits you.”

Jamie looked down at herself and the dress that she’d been given. It was a simple white dress, darned with braided, golden rope and it clung to her in all the right places. It was a pretty dress, elegant even, and completely out of place on her. Jamie didn’t do dresses. Her wardrobe consisted of uniforms, a few pairs of jeans, two pairs of leather pants, and some shorts. The rest were T-shirts, tank tops, and maybe a few random dressy tops thrown in here or there to go out in. She didn’t do frilly or dressy. She never had. Jamie, growing up, had been about as far from a princess as one could get.

“It’s nice,” Jamie agreed, though anyone that knew her would probably be able to tell how uncomfortable she was. She smiled anyway and looked back up at Carol. “Thank you.”

Carol just shook her head and smiled. “At least it’s only for tonight,” she teased. “Tomorrow you’ll be back in your trusty uniform and this’ll never be spoken of again.”

Jamie snorted. “One can hope,” she mused.

They lapsed into another short silence and Jamie let her eyes travel back to Leonard. His back was to her still and he looked as though he were trying very hard to block the rest of the room out by drinking it away.

“Leonard looks especially dashing in his dress uniform,,” Carol noted and when Jamie looked over at her, Carol had this knowing look in her eyes.

Jamie just smiled and nodded as she looked back to him. “He always cleans up nice,” she replied.

“You should go ask him for a dance.” Carol was smiling innocently when Jamie looked back to her and Jamie’s eyes narrowed. Carol just smiled bigger and batted her eyelashes at her.

Jamie huffed and looked away. “He doesn’t like to dance. Says he has two left feet.” It was a true enough excuse. Whenever she’d tried to get him out on the dancefloor before, he’d always turned her down. Of course, she’d generally been trying to get him out onto the dancefloor with someone else.

Apparently Carol didn’t buy that excuse at all. “He’ll get out there and dance with you,” she assured Jamie. 

Jamie looked at her again, eyebrow arched. “And what makes you think that, Dr. Marcus?”

“Oh don’t you try and eyebrow me, _Spock_ ,” Carol snorted. “You two have been spending far too much time together. And don’t play ignorant either. It’s obvious to anyone that bothers to really look at the two of you. Leonard would follow you to the ends of the universe if you asked him. _Is_ following you in fact. And you might try to act unattainable, but there’s only one person who puts stars in your eyes, my dear, and that’s the good doctor.”

Jamie’s smile was a little stiff as she turned her attention back to Leonard. “We’re just friends, Carol.”

“I’m your friend, Jamie. Spock is your friend. Nyota, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, they are your friends. Friends don’t look at each other the way you two look at each other. Friends don’t fall apart the way he did when he thought he’d lost you.” Carol’s words were soft, but Jamie had heard them clearly enough and she turned to meet her gaze. Carol gave her a soft, apologetic smile.

“I was there. I saw what losing you did to him. His whole world came crashing down around him until he realized that there was a way to save you. And you… in the past ten months I’ve noticed something about you, Jamie. You’re a good captain and you look out for every member of this crew. But that man over there, you’d burn all the stars right out of the sky if he asked you to.”

Carol shrugged and turned away from Jamie, her gaze appearing to shift towards Leonard. “Sadly neither of you can get out of your own ways long enough to do anything about it.

Jamie just sort of gaped at the woman, her mouth hanging open rather unattractively. She couldn’t really deny any of it, because well yeah, Leonard did come before everyone else. She wasn’t about to ever let him get hurt if she could prevent it. That didn’t mean she put him above the job though. The job came first, always. Though if she used her position as captain to keep him off certain missions well, nobody need be the wiser. And was it really that obvious? Were they transparent or something?

“I… do we really come off like that?” Jamie asked, the concern clear in her tone. She knew that it was common knowledge that Leonard was her best friend, but she’d always thought they’d done a pretty good job of not wearing their hearts on their sleeves.

Carol met her gaze again. “If you’re worried about looking unprofessional, don’t. You both have the respect of the crew. There are rumors though.” The woman shrugged as though it were no big deal. “There will always be talk on ships like ours. It’s a small community after all. Rumors fly about everyone.”

Jamie’s eyebrow shot up again. “And what are the rumors about me?”

“Honestly?” Carol asked; though her tone sounded more rhetorical than questioning. “The general consensus on the ship is that you and Commander Spock have been having a rather torrid affair behind Lt. Uhura’s back or that perhaps the three of you are carrying on together.”

Jamie felt her eyes go wide and the room spun a little. Her crew thought that she and… Spock… She blinked a few times as though that might summon the color back to her face. “I… they really think that?” she asked, voice slightly raspy. “I mean… Spock? And me? He’d _never_ cheat on Nyota and _I_ would never do that to her.”

Carol held up her hand as though it would stave off Jamie’s vehemence. “It’s just a rumor, Jamie. No one actually believes it. They just like to talk. It gives them something to gossip over and the command crew are always going to be easy targets.”

Jamie wasn’t terribly convinced of that, but she tried to let it roll off the way she did most everything else. Still… “Does Nyota know about the rumors?”

“She does,” Carol confirmed and giggled. “She’s the one that told me about them. She was terribly amused. Nyota trusts the both of you implicitly. She knows that there’s nothing but friendship there. She was also the one that pointed out how ridiculous they were because of how obvious it is that you’re in love with Leonard.”

Jamie was gaping again, mouth hanging open as though she’d been struck dumb. That just seemed to amuse Carol even more. It was also at that moment that both Spock and Nyota chose to join them.

“What are you two talking about over here?” Nyota inquired with an easy smile.

“Rumors,” Carol replied with a naughty grin and Nyota rolled her eyes. Spocks cheeks suddenly darkened to a deeper shade of green and Jamie’s jaw dropped even more. 

“You knew?” she blurted a little too loudly and Spock cleared his throat, his back going ramrod straight.

“I may have… overheard the crew speaking,” he began, but Jamie didn’t let him finish. She was too overwhelmed with how utterly ridiculous the whole situation was and began to laugh. Spock looked at her as though she’d suffered a mental break. Nyota and Carol laughed right along with her until the three of them were wiping tears from their eyes and Jamie was shaking her head.

“Well,” Jamie breathed out, chuckled a little more and then sighed. “If the two of you ever want a third sometime…” She waggled her eyebrows, the teasing offer hanging in the air between them. Nyota snorted and rolled her eyes. Spock’s blush spread right up to the tips of his ears and he promptly turned on his heel and walked away. 

“You’re bad,” Nyota chastised half-heartedly and followed after him. Jamie shrugged and waved her off.

After another long moment of silence, Carol asked gently, “Are you okay?”

Jamie nodded. She wasn’t, but she’d perfected lying a long time ago and this wasn’t something she cared to talk about with anyone else. She didn’t like the fact that her crew thought her insensitive enough or hurtful enough to carry on an affair with her first officer while he was still involved with Nyota. Jamie was a lot of things and yeah she had made a joke of it at Spock’s expense, but she wasn’t that woman. Easy, sure. Reckless, absolutely. She wasn’t a shameless whore though.

What’s more, if the crew was talking, had Leonard heard the rumors? He’d never mentioned them, never said anything, but he wouldn’t, would he? Knowing Leonard, the damn fool would just let them eat at the back of his mind without ever just coming out and asking if they were true. She’d seen the way he’d backed off when Spock had visited her in the hospital. Perhaps he thought there was something between them as well.

Jamie blew out a slow, deep breath and downed the last of the drink she’d been holding in her hand this whole time. “Excuse me for a moment, Carol.”

“Take all the time you need,” Carol replied and offered up a reassuring smile as Jamie walked away.

*****

“You know, people generally smile at parties,” Jamie stated as she moved into the spot to Leonard’s left. 

Leonard’s shoulders jumped a little, surprised to hear her voice so close, and he turned to face her. She was smiling at him.

“People also tend to _want_ to go to the parties they are invited to,” he grumbled back at her, scowl firmly in place. “I get dragged along, invitation or not.”

“Oh come on, Bones. Look at this place,” Jamie urged and turned to gaze back out over the immaculate ballroom the T’resik were hosting the diplomatic gathering in. 

It was all shimmering golds, deep, velvety navy, and warm, pale corals. There were large arrangements of freshly cut flowers scattered about the room and each table was covered with an ivory and gold brocade tablecloth. At the center of each table burned a single, glass encased candle that sat in a bed of decorative rock. There was what looked like satin drapery winding around each white pillar and rich, colorful tapestries hung along all four walls. The real eye catchers in the room however, were the twinkling white lights that seem to almost float near the ceiling. Jamie had yet to figure out how they were suspended up there, but she’d been mesmerized by them all night long.

“It looks like one of my grandma’s tea parties threw up all over the room,” Leonard stated once he’d turned to face out into the room as well.

Jamie snorted, cleared her throat, and tried very hard to keep a straight face. “It’s _beautiful_ , Bones, and you’re being treated like royalty. Where’s the problem in that?”

Leonard cut his eyes towards her, then turned to face her completely. “You tryin’ to tell me you actually like all this pomp and circumstance?” he asked. If she said yes it would surprise him, but he’d always been a horrible judge when it came to women.

Jamie shrugged, ran her gaze slowly back over the room, and then turned a teasing smile towards him. “Maybe.”

Leonard snorted and shook his head. “Liar,” he accused. “You hate it as much as you hate that dress.”

Jamie looked down at the dress again and shifted uncomfortably. “You don’t think it suits me?” she asked, playing a little at sounding coy. “Carol said I look fetching.”

For a moment, all Leonard did was look at her and it was one of those assessing gazes that left her feeling slightly off kilter and hot in all the right places.

“You look beautiful,” he admitted finally, then looked back down into his glass.

The music stopped, changed over into a slower, more bluesy melody and Leonard licked his suddenly too dry lips. Having her this close, all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and dance her across the floor. He wanted to feel the press of her against him, breathe in the subtle sweet fragrance of her. Jamie didn’t wear perfume, but then she’d never needed it. She’d always just smelled clean and sweet. Instead of asking her to dance though, he took another sip of his drink and let a heavy silence settle between them.

Jamie smoothed her hands down the front of her dress and tried very hard to ignore the heat that had risen in her cheeks. She was no blushing virgin and she got complimented all the time, but from Leonard it seemed to mean more. It made her stomach flutter a little and her palms felt sweaty.

On impulse, she blurted, “You know Spock is just my friend right?” The second the words left her lips she regretted them, but what was done was done. No taking it back.

Leonard blinked stupidly at her, unsure of where that little gem of information had come from. Something seemed to unravel itself in his chest though and somehow it was a little easier to breathe.

“Okay,” he drawled slowly. “Uh, thanks for sharin?”

It was Jamie’s turn to blink this time and she cleared her throat again. “It’s just, there have been all these rumors floating around the ship and… you know I’d never…”

The knot in his chest was back then. Of course he knew that Jamie would never jeopardize her working relationship or her friendship with Nyota by sleeping with Spock behind her back. He’d heard the rumors as well, but he’d simply rolled his eyes at them and gotten on with his day. That didn’t mean that there wasn’t something there between them though. It certainly looked as if there was sometimes.

“I know you aren’t sleeping with him,” he assured her and took another sip of his drink. The glass was nearly empty again so he turned around to motion the bartender over for a refill.

Frowning, Jamie turned with him. There was something he wasn’t saying. He didn’t think she was sleeping with Spock, but there was something going on in that head of his and he was keeping it from her.

“But…” she pushed, hoping he wasn’t going to make this more difficult than it needed to be.

“But nothing,” Leonard replied quickly enough. “You’re not sleeping with him. He’s involved with someone, a friend and subordinate of yours at that, and you aren’t that kind of woman. End of story.”

Apparently he _was_ going to be difficult about it. Men. Jamie let it go though because the last thing she wanted to do was argue with him at a diplomatic function. At least he trusted her; not that she’d really ever doubted that. Still, it bothered her that he wasn’t telling her all his thoughts on the subject.

“You think you can guide me around the dancefloor for a little while?” she asked, though she knew he’d say no. Perhaps she could make an excuse for him so that he could head back up to the Enterprise early. He’d like that.

“You want to dance?” Leonard asked, probably sounding a little more shocked than he should have.

Jamie smiled beatifically and held her hand up to him. “I’d love to, doctor.”

Leonard straightened, looked from Jamie’s hand to her face, then down to his drink. Christ. He was seriously about to make a fool out of himself. He just knew it.

He downed his fresh drink, cleared his throat, and took her hand. “Alright, but don’t say you haven’t been warned. Your feet are gonna hate ya later.”

“You step on my feet, Bones, and I’ll make you rub them better later,” she chirped sweetly and Leonard gave her a disgruntled snort in return. 

His hand slipped to the small of Jamie’s back when they reached the dancefloor and he turned to face her. She stepped into him, too close for comfort, but he took one of her hands in his free one and held back a shudder when she placed her free hand on his shoulder. A soft hint of vanilla and lavender flitted through the air, making the temptation to pull her even closer an almost physical one. He wanted to bury his nose in her hair and breathe her in until all that remained was the smell of her. Instead, he began to move to the beat of the song.

_1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3,_ he counted silently to himself.

Leonard knew how to dance. He didn’t need to count in his head. His mother had taught him when he was younger. She’d throw on the radio in the evenings, just before the sun went down, and she’d make him push her around their living room to twangy country songs and smokey blues. He’d complained at first, but once he’d realized how happy it had made her, the complaints had disappeared. Counting silently now was just an easy way to distract himself from how much he wanted this.

A few beats into the song, Jamie leaned forward and murmured, “You seem to be doing pretty good here, doc.”

The gentle puff of her breath against his jaw made him shudder. “Yeah well…” but he couldn’t think up a good enough excuse at the moment. He was too busy looking down into those too blue eyes of hers.

Jamie smiled again, this one soft and easy. She pressed a little closer; close enough that her front was pressed gently against his. Leonard’s hand clenched against her lower back, then relaxed as he slipped his arm tighter around her waist.

“You’re good at this,” Jamie told him. It was easy to follow his lead, but even more, it was a little terrifying in just how damn good it felt.

Leonard huffed softly and lowered his head a little so that they were nearly cheek to cheek. “Maybe I’m just afraid of disappointing you.”

Their joined hands had been drawn in closer at some point and they were now tucked comfortably between them. Jamie’s hand on his shoulder was splayed flat against his chest and she’d dropped her gaze to it in favor of looking up at him.

“You could never disappoint me, Bones,” she assured him. That irritating flutter was back, wreaking havoc in her stomach.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice gone thick from the way his throat seemed to be closing up on him.

Jamie grinned, nodded, and tilted her face up to him. “Yeah.”

Leonard’s heart was pounding hard in his chest and he was so close to saying something that he’d never be able to take back. What if he ruined this for them? What if he poured his heart out to her and she shot him down? Could he take that? Could he accept it? Would their friendship survive it? He thought maybe it could. He could change if she told him no. He’d find a way to just be her friend. He’d done just that for five years already. What was a lifetime more?

“Jamie,” he rasped and had to clear his throat before continuing. What came out wasn’t what he’d intended on saying though. He’d meant to say, ‘ _I’m in love with you_. What came out was, “Are you in love with him?”

Jamie blinked up at him, her mouth falling open slightly in confusion. “What?”

Leonard grit his teeth and clarified. “Spock. Are you in love with him?”

Jamie stopped. She stopped moving, stopped blinking, hell for a moment she even stopped breathing. Perhaps he had believed the rumors after all. A second later she was in motion. Her hands fell away from him and she shook her head.

“Really?” she asked, but she didn’t give him time to respond. “No, Bones, I am not now, nor have I ever been in love with my first officer. Spock is my friend. We do not kiss, we do not sneak around, and most importantly… I am not screwing him!”

Jamie’s voice carried a little farther and a little louder than she’d intended. A few heads turned in their direction and the heat of embarrassment colored her cheeks. She lifted her chin though, straightened, and turned her attention back to Leonard.

“I may be a bit… free with my affections, but I’m not so selfish that I’d fuck over one just to have another. Not in that way. Not in any way. But I guess I thought maybe you already knew that about me,” she grit out, teeth grinding to keep her anger at bay. She pushed past him, done with the conversation. She needed some air.

“Jamie,” Leonard nearly choked and grabbed her arm to keep her from walking away. “That wasn’t what I meant. You know I don’t think…”

“Remove your hand, doctor,” Jamie growled, face blank, eyes cold as she met his panicked gaze.

Leonard ignored her in favor of tugging her closer. “You know that’s not what I meant. I know you’re not sleeping with him. You can be in love with someone without being in their bed.”

His heart was pounding, her heart was pounding, and the air between them seemed electrically charged somehow. Some of the tension in Jamie’s shoulders seemed to ease, but before she could even think about speaking, the Matriarch’s brother appeared at their side.

“Are you well, Captain Kirk?” he asked, the k’s clicking off his tongue. “Is there a problem?”

Jamie straightened even more and in a quick shift, her expression morphed from angry to apologetic. “I’m fine, Kal’vesh. No problem. We had a… small disagreement. Forgive my outburst.”

Kal’vesh nodded, his black eyes darting from Jamie to Leonard. Leonard swallowed around the lump in his throat and very much wanted the man to butt out and leave them to finish their conversation. Sadly, that didn’t happen.

“Perhaps a breath of fresh air would benefit the doctor while you honor me with a dance, Captain Kirk?” Kel’vesh suggested and held his hand out to her.

Dancing was the last thing on Jamie’s mind at this point, but she gave a small nod and a smile. “I’d love to.”

Leonard’s face fell, but then he blanked it as best as he could and moved stiffly away. He had no intentions of ruffling any diplomatic feathers, no matter how much he wanted to punch the man squarely in his face.

*****

Leonard did more than just step outside. He had himself beamed back up to the Enterprise and headed straight for his quarters. “Fresh air my ass,” he grumbled. He needed a glass of the good stuff after the debacle the evening had turned in to.

Once in his quarters, he quickly stripped out of his uniform jacket and tossed it aside. It hit the side of the small sofa in his sitting area, then dropped to the floor. Leonard made for his bottle of bourbon then and poured himself two fingers worth. It burned going down, but he downed the whole glass in one gulp then poured another.

Bottle and glass in hand, he turned and shuffled over to the sofa. The cushions gave under his weight as he sank down onto them and he proceeded to finish the task of getting wonderfully shitfaced. At least he was in the privacy of his own room and couldn’t cause another scene.

*****

Carol’s words from earlier were ringing in Jamie’s ears as she made her excuses to the Matriarch barely half an hour later. Leonard had disappeared on her; had probably run off back to the ship with his tail tucked between his legs and yeah, she was leaving early herself. She promised the Matriarch that she’d be back first thing in the morning to take breakfast with her. Afterward, the day would be spent ironing out the fine details of the T’resik’s newfound relationship with the Federation. For now though, she had a few stars to burn out for her dear doctor.

She didn’t bother with announcing that she was there. Jamie just entered her override code and let herself into Leonard’s quarters. It saved time this way and she didn’t want to fight anymore. 

“So apparently I’m a bit sensitive to the subject of my being involved with Spock,” she said by way of greeting as his door slid shut behind her. 

Leonard ‘ _hmmmed_ ’ in the back of his throat, both of his eyebrows rising ever so slightly. “Hello to you too,” he grumped. “Party over?”

Jamie regarded him silently for a moment, then slipped out of her shoes as she said, “Depends. You drunk yet?”

Leonard’s heart thumped hard in his chest and he looked from her to the half drunk glass of bourbon. “Not yet,” he replied, then shrugged. “Maybe.”

Jamie was closer when he looked back to her. Much closer. She was standing in the middle of the room, heart beating out a hard, panicked staccato in her ears. She’d thought about this the whole time she’d been making her excuses to the Matriarch. She’d overreacted when Leonard had questioned her about Spock. Probably because she was annoyed that he’d thought her in love with anyone but him. Wasn’t it obvious to him that _he_ was the object of her affection? Hadn’t they been dancing around their feelings for each other for years now? She wasn’t alone in this… was she? No. She knew she wasn’t. But she was going to have to make the first move though and that terrified her. 

“We didn’t finish that dance, doctor,” she said softly, her voice wavering a little. This was when her insecurities would kick in. She’d take a step forward and the doubt would send her tumbling two steps back. Leonard would anchor her though. He always did.

“It’s late, Jamie,” Leonard replied. His throat was closing up on him again, but the pleasant buzz he had going was enough to keep him mostly relaxed.

Jamie didn’t back down. “Get your butt up and dance with me, Bones,” she demanded. She was positive that her face showed clear as day how nervous she was and the fact that he wasn’t immediately coming to her was messing with her.

Leonard set his glass aside, placing it down on the small end table next to the bottle. He didn’t move right away; just sat and studied her. “There’s no music,” he pointed out, stalling.

She huffed out a small laugh and smiled. “So put some on.”

He licked his lips, leaned forward, and then pushed himself up off the sofa. He didn’t have to steady himself, but the room did sway a little unpleasantly as he crossed the room to his computer. It took a minute to search through his files, but he eventually found the song he’d been thinking of earlier. It wasn’t one he’d danced to before, but he could remember his parents dancing to it once.

The melody that filled the room was smooth and slow with a hint of jazz to give it that bit of sway. He turned back to Jamie but didn’t move towards her.

“What are we doing exactly?” he asked, not sure his heart could take another moment like the one they’d had down on the planet.

Jamie chewed at her bottom lip for a second before holding her hand out. “We’re going to finish our dance,” she told him, then added with a deep breath, “and then you’re going to take me to bed.”

Leonard’s heart slammed up hard into the backs of his ribs and suddenly it was a little hard to breathe. “Jamie,” he rasped, her name both a question and a warning. He couldn’t be just a one-time thing. Hell he couldn’t be an occasional thing. For him, they were either all in or nothing at all.

Jamie just smiled shakily, tears welling up in her eyes. “You ever leave me, Bones, and I’ll kill you,” she told him, struggling hard to keep it together. 

He still didn’t move. His feet were firmly rooted to the spot and it was all he could do to keep from crying himself. This was a dream. It had to be. No way would he ever actually get what he wanted. He’d come back, gotten smashed, and drank himself in another fantasy.

“Jesus, Bones,” Jamie huffed and closed the distance between them herself. She raised her hands to his face and cupped his cheeks. “It’s you okay? It’s been you for years now I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it out loud. I thought… everyone I love always leaves.”

A tear escaped past her lashes and rolled across the curve of her cheek. “Everything I love gets twisted somehow and I don’t think I could take it if I ever lost you too. I love you, Bones. Just you. Always you,” she breathed out before Leonard was finally in motion.

Their lips crashed together for the first time and it was anything but sweet. There was too much between them for sweet right now. It was hard and messy, their emotions pushed so far past the breaking point that they were close to burning each other alive. 

There were hands everywhere; groping, shoving, pulling. Jamie groaned against the hard tug of teeth on her bottom lip. His lips traced the line of her jaw, kissed back to the delicate skin under her ear, and then she was arching up hard against him as he sank his teeth into the side of her throat.

“Fuck,” she gasped, trembling so hard she feared she might fly apart under his touch.

Leonard grunted and turned her, pushed her back until she could feel the sharp bite of the edge of the desk pressing against the backs of her thighs. At this rate, they wouldn’t make it to the bed. They might not even make it completely out of their clothes if he kept this up. 

He mouthed at her throat, kissed down to the juncture of her shoulder and neck, his fingers digging in hard to her hip and lower back.

“Bones,” Jamie whimpered, moist from his fevered kisses and demanding touch. “Bones, please.” She tilted her face into his, nipped at the shell of his ear and then pressed her own lips to the side of his throat.

Leonard was shaking, hands trembling as he grasped her hips and pushed in against her. He held her tightly while the room spun wildly around them. He’d imagined time again what would happen if Jamie ever allowed him to touch her. Every time had entailed a slow, thorough lovemaking. They’d explored each other; kissed, touched, and begged until the universe had unraveled around them. There was no taking it slow now though. Leonard knew that. He was too drunk and they were both too needy to do anything but burn hot and fast right into nothingness.

His hands slid down the swell of her hips, fingers twisting in the fabric of her dress. He tugged the fabric up, pulled and lifted until it was bunched at her waist and he could finally feel the warm press of her skin against his fingertips. A groan rumbled in his chest and Leonard slipped his hands up to grasp the sides of Jamie’s panties. 

Jamie didn’t fight him. She arched her hips away from the desk and moaned softly as he tugged her panties down and off. He was back a second later, hands shoving back beneath her dress to clutch at her hips and Jamie reached desperately for the button and zip of his trousers. Her heart was pounding, working hard to drown out the mingled sound of their labored breaths. There was a thought floating along the edges of her subconscious. One about taking this slow and protecting themselves. There was doubt lingering there as well. They could destroy each other with this. They’d bend and break and shatter and there would be no coming back from the devastation a failed relationship would wreak on their lives. But then Leonard was hot and heavy and hard in her hand and there _was_ nothing else.

Leonard thrust up into the loose grip of Jamie’s fist. Her long, slender fingers were a brand against his skin, marking him as hers for the rest of his days.

“Jamie,” he grunted desperately, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy in his mouth. He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t do anything but settle her back onto the desk and press forward.

Jamie released him; reached behind her to shove anything in their way off onto the floor. She spread her legs wider to welcome him between them. “Come on, Bones,” she huffed, tugging him forward.

Leonard’s hands moved clumsily against her, roughly adjusting her until he was lining himself up and pushing into the wet heat of her body. Jamie hissed, arched against the awkward burn and pressure. She was wet enough, but the angle was wrong and he just kept going. She didn’t stop him though. Instead, she tried to shift and roll her hips up to adjust the angle.

“Bones,” she gasped when he was seated fully inside of her. Jamie wrapped her legs around him, locked her ankles, and reached behind herself to brace herself with a hand. Her free hand went to the back of his neck and she tugged him forward. 

Leonard pressed in just a little further, enough to steal Jamie’s breath away and then his hips were drawing back. She exhaled in a rush, then gasped as he snapped back into her. The connect of his hips to hers jarred her spine and she arched, crying loudly in pained pleasure. He didn’t stop. Just pulled back and thrust in again. The pace of Leonard’s hips quickened and the faster he slammed into her, the better it began to feel.

“Yeah,” she moaned and began to rock up to meet him. 

The feel of her meeting him thrust for thrust left Leonard soaring. There was nothing left but the two of them and he was certain that at the end of this he’d likely crack right down the middle. His hips were moving without him though, thrusting harder and faster, until all there was was the rapid slap of flesh echoing off the walls. 

He leaned down to capture her mouth, a starving man in search of the only feast that would ever matter. Jamie’s lips parted for him, the taste of her exploding on his tongue. His hand searched out the fastening of the dress at the nape of her neck and he growled when he couldn’t find it. Frustrated, he fisted the thin strap and yanked. The strap tore away, ripping the delicate fabric of the dress, but Leonard couldn’t be bothered to care. One of Jamie’s breasts had been bared to him and that’s what he’d been after. He dropped his head down, caught her swollen nipple between his teeth and bit.

“Bones!” Jamie yelped, her hand snapping up to bury in his hair. His teeth rolled her nipple between them and she whined. A second later he was sucking hungrily at the little bud and she was trembling. He thrust harder, slammed into her with all the force his hips could muster and Jamie dissolved around him. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes as she moaned his name over and over.

Leonard gasped and shuddered at the feel of her body clamping down on him and he snapped his hips into her faster. He clung to her as he chased his own end, his arms wrapping around her tightly. She clung to him as well, murmuring intelligible encouragement into his ear after he’d buried his face in her neck to breathe her in. It didn’t take long for him to follow her over and they were left tangled together, breathing hard and trying to remember how to come down again.

When Leonard finally raised his head, Jamie and he stared at each other for a long time. They didn’t speak, didn’t dare break the fragile silence that shrouded them. She raised her hand though, cupped his cheek, and he leaned into the touch. The questions and doubts, they all came flooding back, but they left them unspoken. For now, they were simply going to enjoy finally being in each others arms. The rest could wait.

*****

The chronometer read six in the morning when Jamie opened her eyes the next morning. She shifted a little in bed and breathed out a heavy sigh when her body ached in all the right places. Leonard shifted beneath her in response, still caught in the hold of sleep. Part of her didn’t want to move. She was pressed in against his side, her head resting on his chest, and one of her legs draped over his. His arm that had been wrapped around her last night was lying limply on the bed, probably numb because of her laying on it, but she smiled anyway and missed its warmth.

As the afterglow of their night together wore off, Jamie’s doubts began to creep in again. Had they made the right decision? There couldn’t be just one night between them. She knew that. Could she handle being in a committed relationship? Would she fuck it all up and break the both of them?

“You thinking so loud is making it pretty difficult to go back to sleep you know,” Leonard grumbled and lifted his aching, numb arm to hug her to him again.

“Sorry,” Jamie mumbled, her fingers tracing lightly through the hair on his chest.

He sighed and opened his eyes, though he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. This certainly wasn’t the way he’d imagined waking up with her for the first time. At least, like this anyway.

“We’re fine,” he told her even though things didn’t exactly feel fine.

“Are we?” Jamie asked; the insecurity in her voice almost painful.

Leonard grunted and tugged her until she was seated on top of him. “I said we were, didn’t I?” he replied, tone stern and brooking no argument. 

She nodded but didn’t exactly look convinced and Leonard could all but hear all the fears rolling around in her head. Even when she finally had something good, Jamie couldn’t let herself enjoy it. He knew why of course. Jamie didn’t think she deserved good things. The bastard that had raised her had instilled that in her. She’d been a burden to him, a waste of space. Leonard didn’t think anything of the sort. She was a blessing to him. One that would likely make him old before his time and land him either in an early grave or the nut house, but god did he love her in spite of it.

He shifted beneath her, pushing himself up until he was sitting up and propped back against the head of the bed. Jamie lifted a little, allowing him the freedom to move and then settled back in his lap. She was afraid that if she moved this thing between them would become more awkward and unmanageable.

“What did I say?” Leonard said, leveling her with a hard glare. “We’re fine, Jamie. And I know you’re having your little freakout now that we’ve done the deed and it’s a new day, but this,” he motioned between the two of them, “this is us now, for better or worse. You knew when you walked through that door last night that there was no going back. You’re mine and I ain’t givin you back.”

“Bones,” Jamie began, her tone almost plaintive and reedy.

He snapped his hand out and grabbed her chin to silence her. “No,” he growled and nearly choked on a gasp when she shuddered on top of him. His prick swelled to half-mast and he had to clear his throat to center himself. She needed this and he needed to hold on to her. He’d be damned if he’d let her run away from him now. Not when they were so close to having something good.

“I get it, Jamie. I do. You’re scared. Hell I’m terrified here, but I ain’t letting you go. Things are going to change. You’ll still be you. I know that and I don’t expect you to change. You’re mine though. You belong to me and I’ll kill the person who tries to take you from me. Do you understand that?” he asked, then added. “Don’t speak, just nod.”

Jamie nodded and licked at her suddenly too dry lips. The way he was speaking to her, his tone, it shouldn’t affect her the way it was. He’d growled at her before and chastised her or lectured her. This was different though and it was hard ignoring the effects it was having on her. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest and there was a warmth blossoming in her stomach.

Leonard’s gaze dropped from Jamie’s face to trace over the bare expanse of her shoulders and down. She was naked atop him, her nipples swollen to taut little buds, and her chest was rising and falling faster than before. He swept his eyes down further, over her flat belly and down to the thatch of blonde curls between her legs and the fresh bruises marking her hips. His own body responded as he took hers in and he blew out a long, steadying breath. He couldn’t even remember when they’d managed to shed the rest of their clothing the night before, but he was certainly happy they had now.

Looking up again, Leonard watched as the tip of her tongue darted out to wet her lips. He was still holding her chin and his fingers clenched tighter, digging into her skin. Jamie’s breath hitched and he met her gaze. Her pupils were blown wide. God but he _needed_ her. He was hungry all over again and this time his head was clear.

Dropping his hand away, Leonard reached for Jamie’s wrists and pulled them forward. “Press your palms flat against the wall,” he commanded.

Jamie paused for only a second before shifting forward and pressing her hands to the wall. She yipped softly when his fingers brushed the dampened folds of her body. The touch was feather light and caused her to squeeze her eyes shut.

“Bones,” she whimpered, voice quivering.

“Did I say you could talk?” he asked, tone hard as steel again. 

His fingers left her and dropped down to wrap around his own length. Leonard wasn’t exactly sure who he was punishing or if it was a punishment at all, but he thought that this was what they both needed. He stroked himself to full hardness slowly while he watched her. Jamie’s body trembled as she hovered over him and she was tormenting her bottom lip with her teeth.

“You and me,” he murmured softly as he raised his free hand to brush his fingertips down the curve of her throat. She trembled harder and he smoothed the precome that bubbled up because of it down his prick. “I didn’t think you’d ever let me this close. Thought I’d always just be stuck watching from the sidelines. You invited me in though and I’m here to stay.”

His fingers ghosted down over her collarbone to the swell of one breast. He caught her nipple and rolled it between his thumb and forefinger. Jamie moaned softly, her hips humping the air. 

“You’re not what you think you are, Jamie. What he made you think you are.” Jamie whimpered and Leonard had to fist himself to stave off his own need. Being the one in control for once was a headier aphrodisiac than he thought it would be. 

“You’re good,” he told her, voice raspy and thick as he slipped his hand down to nestle between her legs again. “Beautiful and perfect.” His fingers pushed between her slick folds and rubbed across her clit. “You’re strong and smart, a Captain that anyone would follow proudly into the breach.”

Jamie shuddered hard, her body alight by both Leonard’s touch and his words. Her fingers curled against the wall, aching to touch as well, but she dare not move them. Her eyes were closed, but the room was still spinning around her and she thought any moment she’d be pushed tumbling over the edge.

“I’d follow you,” Leonard whispered, his breath ghosting across her cheek. “I’ll always follow you.” He pushed his fingers further, found the welcoming entrance of her body and plunged two inside. 

Jamie cried for him, rolled her hips forward at the intrusion of his fingers and then couldn’t stop herself. She rode them slowly, pumping herself up and down on his fingers greedily until his hand on her hips stopped her. She whined pitifully then, but he merely shushed her and drew his fingers away. They returned a heartbeat later, three of them pushing inside of her and twisting. She cried again, head dropping back in ecstasy.

Leonard thrusts his fingers into her slowly, the walls of her body relaxing around him and taking him in happily. His now neglected prick throbbed angrily and drooled more precome. He fisted himself, stroked once, twice, then squeezed hard at the base. The fingers inside her pumped harder, in and out until she was moaning and shaking so hard that he knew her muscles must be starting to cramp.

“Ride my fingers, Jamie,” he growled, his hand squeezing harder around himself. 

Jamie cried in relief and her hips snapped forward hard. She hissed at the bite of his nails inside of her, but she was too eager and couldn’t help herself. Her hips were rolling hard and fast, pistoning on the thick fingers inside of her. She was so close. Sweat had begun to bead on her upper lip and at the nape of her neck. Heat was spreading like wildfire under her skin, leaving a deep pink blush in its wake across her shoulders, chest, and cheeks. The faster her hips rocked, the harder her heart pounded and the moment that Leonard hooked his fingers and pressed hard into her, Jamie screamed and came. Her body jerked helplessly over him, his fingers inside of her tormenting that tender spot inside of her over and over.

“Bones,” she gasped, but he didn’t stop. Jamie’s body tightened again, to the point of pain and a second orgasm followed the first as she bucked and screamed, “Leonard!” over and over again.

His fingers slipped from her then and he clenched his teeth against the painful grip he had on himself. Denying himself was agony, but the promise of the warm cradle of her body was a powerful motivator. He clasped her hip with one hand and tugged, guiding her down onto his waiting sex. Her body was still contracting as he entered her and she all but melted onto his chest as her hands fell away from the wall.

“That’s it,” he murmured, his hips pushing up to seat himself fully. Jamie shuddered hard against him and brought her arms up to wrap around his neck. She felt utterly stripped and boneless. Leonard didn’t seem detoured though and palmed her hips to help guide them.

They rocked together, Leonard’s fingers digging in as he thrust up into her. “My sweet girl. So good. So good, Jamie,” he mumbled into her skin, barely aware of what he was saying. 

Jamie pulled back a little, her eyes open now to look at him. Those blue eyes burned fever bright and ensnared him.

“I love you,” he breathed out, his hand coming up to tangle in her hair. “Love you so much.”

Jamie squeezed her eyes shut at his words, her heart fluttering in her chest. She’d always wanted to hear those words, craved those words, and they’d always seemed nothing more than a fantasy.

“Love you. Love you,” Leonard continued, his lips brushing against hers.

Jamie sealed them together; covered his mouth with her own and with one thrust, then another, Leonard arched beneath her. Time slowed for a moment. It froze them together, etched this perfect moment into their skin.

For a long time after, neither of them bothered to move. They curled happily into each other and stayed there. Eventually, Leonard sighed though and couldn’t help himself.

“You okay?” he asked, worried that perhaps he’d gotten too carried away before. Compared to the things he’d done in the past, what had transpired between them had been soft and careful. He still felt the need to check though. They couldn’t keep heading down a road like this if both of them weren’t willing to walk it together.

It took Jamie a while to answer, but she finally nodded against him and answered, “Yeah. I’m good. Better than good.”

Leonard pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I meant it you know.” He paused for a moment, drew in a deep breath, and then repeated the words he’d wanted to say to her for so long now. “I love you.”

Jamie ignored the fluttering jumble of nerves in her stomach and smiled. “I love you too, Bones,” she replied. The knot that had twisted itself around her chest loosened a little once she’d said it. It was still just as terrifying, but she trusted Leonard. If he said he’d never leave her, it would be a promise he would keep. She had to believe that.

Leonard sighed and pressed his mouth to the top of her head. The weight that he’d been carrying on his shoulders for so long was lifted. He was just as scared as she was, more even. He’d been down this road before and the last thing he wanted was to get his heart trampled again. Jamie wasn’t Pamela though and this time, this time felt like forever. No matter what happened, Jamie and he would face this life together.


End file.
